


No Great Loss

by donsboy



Category: CSI: NY
Genre: Angst, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-15
Updated: 2015-06-15
Packaged: 2018-04-04 14:32:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4141365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/donsboy/pseuds/donsboy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Don misses something very important...</p>
            </blockquote>





	No Great Loss

Jackson sat in his window seat watching the traffic and the people go by down below. He was headed to the kitchen when the phone rang. When he answered, his heart skipped a beat because Don Flack was on the line.....

“Hey, buddy!”

“What's up, Don?”

“I was calling to see if you were gonna be home later.....”

“I should be..... what's going on?”

“I've got something to tell you, and I want to know what you think.....”

“Okay.....”

“I'll see you around 7.....”

“Later!”

Jackson gave his apartment a good once-over and started working on a meal consisting of lasagna and salad. He knew that was one of Don's favorite meals, and that's why he cooked it.

Don arrived about 7:15, and promptly hurt Jackson's feelings by telling him that he didn't have time to eat because he had a date. When Jackson heard that, his head shot up and he asked Don who his date was.....

“You remember the guy I introduced you to named Danny Messer?”

“Yeah.....”

“It's him. We've been talking for a while, and we've been out a few times so we decided to take it to the next level.....”

Upon hearing that, Jackson went into the kitchen and started throwing the food he'd prepared away. He was trying so hard not to cry as he put the dishes in the sink, and he started when he heard Don's voice from the doorway.....

“Damn, Jax, I didn't realize you went to all this trouble.....”

“It's fine, Don.....”

“I guess I should have told you that I wasn't staying.....”

“That would have been nice.....”

“What can I do to make this up to you?”

“Nothing..... you need to go. You don't want to keep Danny waiting, do you?”

Don was taken aback by Jackson's abrupt tone and demeanor. He figured the best thing he could do was try to apologize once more and then leave.....

“Jax, man, I really am sorry about this.....”

“You've said that already....”

“But.....”

“Don, there's no fixing this, so just leave it alone and go.”

Don headed for the door and glanced back to see Jackson at the kitchen table with tears streaming down his face. He felt he was missing something important, but wasn't quite sure what it was.

 

Later that night, Don and Danny were laying in bed talking. Danny had picked up on the fact that something was bothering Don and decided to ask about it.....

“Don, what's on your mind?”

“Nothing, babe..... why do you ask?”

“Well, you're being awful quiet.....”

“I was just thinking about earlier when I stopped at Jackson's place.....”

“You're still thinking about that?”

“Yeah, I am..... Dan, I really hurt his feelings, but that's not all....”

“What do you mean?”

“I feel like I'm missing something.....”

“Like what, Don?”

“I'm not sure..... it was as if I should have known something......”

“Well, if it's important, it will come to you....”

“You think so?”

“Sure it will!”

 

The next few weeks went by in a flash. Between work and being with Danny, Don didn't have time to try and talk to Jackson again. One day he and Danny were in the park when Don saw Jackson further up on the path they were walking on. He called out to Jackson, but Jackson walked the other way. That hurt Don, but he didn't say anything. Instead he decided that he was going to find out just exactly what was going on with his friend. A few weeks later, Don was finishing up his paperwork for the day when Danny called and said that he'd been called out to a scene, and would be home late. Don said that was fine, and that he would see him later. After speaking to Danny, Don decided that he was going to talk to Jackson.

When Don arrived at Jackson's, he knocked on the door. Jackson answered, and stood there stony faced.....

“Can I come in?”

“I suppose.....”

Don entered the apartment and sat down on the sofa. Jackson took a seat in his recliner. Don began to feel awkward in the silence so he began to speak....

“I know it's been a while, and I'm sor...”

“If you say you're sorry, you can leave now.....”

“I didn't mean for time to get away from me.”

“Things like that happen.....”

“So how have you been?”

“What difference does it make?”

“What do you mean by that?”

“Just what I said..... what difference does it make to you how I am anymore? It shouldn't! Especially after you stomped my fucking heart to bits!”

Jackson realized his slip, and knew he had to see this through to the end.

“Jax, what are you saying?”

“What does it sound like I'm saying, Don?”

Don stopped for a moment and considered what Jackson had said. Then, it dawned on him.....

“Are you saying you had feelings for me?”

“It was more than feelings. It still is...... Don, I've been in love with you for quite a while now.....”

“But how did this happen?”

“I don't know.... it just did.”

“How did I not see this before?”

“Probably because you didn't want to....”

“What do you mean by that?”

“You didn't want to see it because I wasn't smart enough, or skinny enough, or good enough for you to want me.....”

“That's not true, Jackson....”

“Isn't it? Let's face facts, Don. You never noticed I was in love because there was something about me that you didn't want. It doesn't matter now anyway because you found someone, and I got screwed in the deal!”

“I wish you didn't feel that way...”

“Why not? It's the truth.....”

Don didn't know what else to say. Jackson had revealed things to him that he had no clue about before. He needed some time to process all of this.....

“I really need to get going. Danny's going to be wondering where I am....”

“That's fine..... by the way, take all your memories of me, tuck them into a little pocket of you mind and walk away from them. Leave them there to die!”

“That's a bit harsh, isn't it?”

“No, it would be for the best.....”

“There's no way we can work this out and stay friends?”

“I don't know if that's possible, Don.....”

Don stood and headed for the door. He wanted to look back, but thought it best not to. Little did he know that not doing so would turn around and bite him dead in the ass.

Don headed home and ordered take-out because he knew Danny would most likely be hungry when he got home. He thought about Jackson and everything he'd had to say, marveling at the fact that he'd been so damn blind. How in the hell could he not see what was right in front of his face the whole damn time? He pondered this over and over until Danny came in. He told Danny everything and Danny commented that maybe it was for the best that Don and Jackson stay away from each other. Don said that he still felt bad about the situation, and wished that he could make it right somehow. About that time, Don's pager went off and he told Danny he had to go. Danny looked at the pager and made the comment that he was glad it wasn't him.

Don pulled up at the scene with dread and fear in his heart. It was Jackson's building. One of the uniformed officer told him it was a suicide. He asked where the body was and was told it was in 4C. That was Jackson's apartment! He waited impatiently for the elevator and when he got to Jackson's door he hesitated. He took a deep breath and went inside. Jackson was sitting in the recliner where Don had left him. The only thing different was the fact that the back of Jackson's skull was gone. One of the uniforms called to him and handed him a piece of paper addressed to him.....

Dearest Don,

I can't go on knowing that you will never love me. Call me a coward if you want, but I just couldn't do it. I hope what you have with Danny will be happy and long-lived.   
Jackson

 

Don folded the note and put it in his pocket. He waited until Mac got there and told him that he would have to remove himself from the case since he knew the guy. He went home and showed the note to Danny, who held Don while he cried. When Don finally drifted off to sleep, Danny pulled him close and whispered; “Everything's gonna be just fine. You'll soon realize that it was for the best anyway. After all, it was no great loss.....”

 

THE END


End file.
